Differences between regular and a Friend


I have come to understand that there are much difference between those people that we regularly hang out with (I call them the regulars) and a friend.

It may not sound interesting to your hearing, but we do interchange them on a regular basis. Probably because the regulars are always there when ever we are making it. They tend to assist us when they see that there is much possibility that they would gain more than they sow. But the truth is that, you can only see them when you are at the top, and still they don’t care about you, even if they do it’s 95% for their selfish gains.

Now to speak of a true friend, you never know them till you fall, till when there seems to be no way out of a situation, they surface from nowhere and they’ll always find a way out of your mess with a 5% selfish interest (and that’s for you to see them as a friend).

A little about what made me write this article. I have a book where I keep contact of any one I come in contact with. Not just together, I have a column for foreign schools, foreign friends, Ibadan contacts, IMO contacts, and Abuja contacts, then a column for friends (I can’t forget my friend’s address so they are in a place) then I have a column for family members (they are my best friends) and lastly, my best friends column a little above that of my family members (they tend to know more of my personal secrets than my family members, it may sound weird but there are certain things you confide in a friend that you can’t to your family, there are gists only meant for friends).

I found out that those people that occupies the Best friends column are those that I never expected although they are not up to 10 but they sure are the best, most stays far, the closer ones are not even that close. And I them with the below qualities.

Good Friends: they inspire, always giving advice that we seem not to agree with even if it’s true, always staring at you whenever you are hanging out with those regulars, they act weird whenever you come closer to them, some tend to be shy, some have this feelings of inferiority complex. And so many more we could think/ could not think of.

Regulars: always making demands, secretly laughs at you whenever you are down (that’s why we always try to impress them trying to be who we are not), they already have a replacement for you or leaves you when they find new ones.

Good friends: loves you even at your odd moments, you find peace around them, they are or act invisible. We don’t care to know.

Regulars: they are always visible, and appears ‘only’ when you are great to their standard or expectations.

In summary, we should be wise in choosing our friends, always test your friends. “A friend IN NEED is a friend INDEED”. You are very important to your friends.

Much love, from me to you!!!💖💛💓

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Why I love the white


It’s not only because of their colour, and the colour is 20% of it. The main reason I love them is for the fact that they brought me the Gospel and they’re very kind, the only time they get weird or mad is when you mess with their feelings, or something precious to them.

I’m writing not to please any one but my few moments chatting with them.

Moreover, I’ve seen quite a number here at Abuja they’re wonderful people. The first I met was from Poland, she’s married to a black we got into a tricycle together she was friendly, the second was a guy I saw along the roadside discussing with a black guy, and the third was cruising her Jeep in my street, I’ve seen more both the Chinese and many of them I just refer to them as white.

I felt this joy inside of me knowing that the black and white relationship still exists!!

Thanks for the time you spared to read this.

3 ACTIONABLE Steps To Change Your Life Through Thought


Step 1: Become Your Own Best Friend

How many times a day do you hear a voice telling you that you can’t do something? Or you’ll look stupid? That same voice is in everybody’s head. Always telling people they’re not good enough for something. But, it takes just as much effort for that voice to say something negative as it does positive.

There’s a quote “If you talked to your best friend the way you talked to yourself, would they still be your friend?” Well, would they? And if not, doesn’t that say something about all the negative things you’ve been telling yourself?

So, the first step is too start changing that voice in your head. Every time you hear the negative voice, start thinking about what your best friend would say to you instead. Or your mum or dad. Remind yourself of their words of encouragement. Sometimes you just need to believe in someone else’s belief in you.

Step 2: Imagine Your Future As Bright As You Can

This isn’t some positive, feel good “just imagine and your dreams will come true” speech. What I mean by this is literally sit down, close your eyes and envision where you want to be in the future. Visualise every minor detail. Because that is going to be massively motivational for you!

Think about it this way, what’s going to make you hungrier: Thinking about that delicious burger you’re going to eat for dinner, filled with a mouth-watering, tender patty, crispy fresh lettuce, Camembert cheese and a delicious, ripe, juicy tomato packed between two perfectly toasted buns.

Or a bog standard burger?

When you think about where you want to be with as much detail as you can, you’ll provide yourself with more hunger and motivation to make it happen.

Step 3: Stop Think About What Can Go Wrong, Start Thinking About What Can Go Right

In every situations there are hundreds or thousands of possible outcomes, which outcomes are you focusing on most? The negative ones or the positive ones? Like I said earlier, stop focusing all your time on a negative outcome that, chances are, won’t even happen, and start focusing on the positive outcomes. Believe me, I know this is easier said than done.

I’ve had days where negative outcomes keep popping into my head again and again, 100’s of times. And every time they do, I’d acknowledge them and then choose to let them pass. Because your time and energy is better off spent thinking about the positive outcome instead. This is a skill that takes time to develop. But that time is going to pass anyway. Do you want to spend the rest of your life only thinking of the negatives because you don’t want to spend time changing your habits of mind?

And Remember…

read more…

18 ways to keep your relationship strong -it works


Relationship 1It takes more than love for your relationship to work.

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Below you’ll find 18 ways to keep your relationship strong.

1. Practice acceptance and appreciation. In his book, “How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving”, David Richo explains that two of the keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation. Here’s a quote from Richo that expresses this idea: “In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only appreciation . . .

2. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Just as you can’t expect to be happy all the time, you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be at a continuous high.  When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to ride the highs, as well as the lows, together.

3. Use the word “we”.  Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., explains that researcher Robert Levenson and his colleagues at the University of California, Berkeley, found that couples who use the word “we” when talking are happier, calmer, and in general are more satisfied with their relationships than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns “you”, “me” and “I”.

Dr. Chansky explains that the word “we” is a game changer. It sets off a program of connectedness in the brain so that instead of being in a “you vs. me” mindset, we’re in a collaborative mindset. This collaborative mindset makes us more loving and generous.

4. Follow the three-day gratitude planRita Watson–an Associate Fellow at Yale’s Ezra Stiles College—explains that having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. Watson indicates that a study involving 77 married heterosexual and monogamous couples found that with expressed gratitude “participants reported that they felt more loving.” She goes on as follows:

“They also reported feeling more peaceful, amused, and proud. They perceived their partner as being more understanding, validating, caring, and generally more responsive. They were more likely to have reported spontaneously thanking their partner for something they’d appreciated on any given day. And they were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship overall.”

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship she recommends the following three-day gratitude plan:

  • Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.
  • Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.
  • Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.

Think of the three day plan as a cleansing which allows you to clear out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving.

5. Keep the 3:1 ratio. Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. Most people think that as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negative, everything is fine. However, this isn’t so. It’s the ratio of positive to negative that matters.

Research has shown that the magical ratio for a flourishing relationship is at or above 3:1. That is, you need to have three times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences in order to have a healthy relationship.

6. Keep the novelty alive. One of the positive aspects of being in a relationship with someone for a long time is that you really get to know each other. The negative side of this is that the novelty wears off, and humans love novelty.

However, there’s a way to keep the novelty alive: constantly try new activities together. This creates the excitement and the uncertainty that comes from the unknown, even if you’re with someone whom you know as well as the back of your hand.

7. Keep the playfulness alive. We all love to play, regardless of our age. Do the following: have fun together; do something ridiculous together; and just let go. In addition, the next time that your partner says something that bothers you, try responding with a joke instead of getting defensive.

8. Give your partner space. The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

9. Show each other daily physical affectionKory Floyd, Ph.D.–a professor at Hugh Downs School of Communication at Arizona State University—explains that studies show that physical affection has a myriad of benefits. It releases feel-good hormones, it reduces blood pressure, it helps to release stress, it improves mood, and it’s associated with higher relationship satisfaction.

Showing physical affection can be as easy as kissing, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.

10. Use AAAMira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of “The Weekend Marriage” explains that when your significant other is upset over something you’ve done, you should apply the AAA approach. This stands for apology, affection, and a promise of action. To elaborate:

  • Tell your partner that you’re sorry that you’ve hurt or disappointment them.
  • Offer a meaningful gesture of warmth, such as a hug or a kiss.
  • Pledge to take action that is meaningful to them.

11. Focus on the positiveDr. Terri Orbuch has been conducting a long-term study since 1986 on what makes couples happy and strengthens relationships. She advises that couples resolve to focus on the positive. She explains that happy couples focus on what is going well in their relationship, rather than focusing on what is going wrong.

In addition, if you do need to call attention to a negative aspect, try to do it in a positive way. For example, if your partner is messy try telling them something like the following: “It makes me so happy to come home to a clean house. When things are messy I feel stressed. Let’s come up with a solution together.”

12. Create couples rituals. Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria are the authors of the book “ The 7 Stages of Marriage”. They recommend that you strengthen your relationship by creating rituals just for the two of you. For example, every Saturday night can be date night. Another example can be having your coffee together every morning, or taking ten minutes to chat every night before going to bed.

13. Edit yourself. Dr. John Gottman is a researcher, author and Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on relationship stability. He’s best known for his book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work”. Dr. Gottman explains that couples who avoid saying every critical thought that pops into their head when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

14. Be supportive. There are many ways to be supportive of your partner, including the following:

  • Give emotional support: listen to them when they’re upset and need to talk.
  • Give compliments and praise.
  • Give them information that they might need.
  • Give them a hand when they need it. For example, doing their house chores when they have to put in extra hours at work.

15. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Brené Brown, author of “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, explains that vulnerability holds the key to emotional intimacy. She adds that vulnerability is about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and asking for what we need. It’s allowing ourselves to be truly seen by our partner, warts and all.

16. Say “I love you” with your actions. Perform little acts of kindness for your partner that let them know you love them. Some ideas include the following:

  • Warm her car on a cold morning.
  • Bring home take-out from his favorite Chinese restaurant.
  • Get up fifteen minutes before she does so that breakfast is ready when she walks into the kitchen.
  • When you’re out shopping get him a little surprise gift.

17. Fight fair. It’s not disagreements that destroy relationships, but how you deal with them. Dr. Phil—of Oprah fame—says the following about fighting fair:

“Disagreements are going to occur. The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You’ll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition;  it’s a partnership.”

Some of the tips he offers for fighting fair are the following:

  • Know what you’re trying to achieve.
  • Put boundaries around the discussion so that you don’t end up arguing about every negative thing that has ever happened in your relationship.
  • Avoid character assassination.
  • Practice active listening. Try paraphrasing to make sure that you understood what the other person said and ask for clarification if there’s something that you’re not clear about.
  • Set a time limit.
  • Be willing to compromise.
  • Reach an agreement on how you’re going to solve the issue.

18. Set goals as a couple. Be a team of two that’s striving to achieve a set of goals that you’ve set together and that are important to both of you. By setting goals together you’ll be achieving all of the following:

  • You’ll make sure that you’re both moving in the same direction.
  • Your wins are their wins.
  • You can celebrate together each time you achieve a milestone.

Studies have shown that one of the most important components of happiness is striving to achieve goals that you consider to be meaningful. In turn, one of the components of a happy relationship is having a set of goals that you’re trying to achieve together.

Conclusion

Strong relationships don’t just happen. In order to have a flourishing relationship with your significant other you have to do the work. Use the 18 tips above to begin strengthening your relationship right away. After all, a healthy relationship is an important component for living a great life.

Stretch Marks


Stretch marks or striae, are visible lines on the skin surface, with an off-color hue. Stretch marks are mainly found in the abdominal wall, but can also occur over the thighs, upper arms, buttocks and breasts.

It can start out as a purple and red mark but later on fades into a slightly off-colored hue that’s normally similar to the color of your skin tone and very noticeable upon close inspection.

It’s something that a lot of women don’t like showing on their bodies. There are several reasons why stretch marks appear on our skins.

WHAT CAUSES STRETCH MARKS

When you gain weight rapidly or obese

This obviously is one of the most popular causes of stretch marks for most people. The thing is, anywhere on a person’s body where fat is stored, that is where you will most likely encounter stretch marks.

Simply put, the more weight you gain in a short time frame is the more severe your stretch marks problem will become.

Growth spurt

From time to time this will happen to teenagers and it’s kind of unavoidable. If your a teenager, don’t be alarmed by the stretch marks on your body, especially when you’re not overweight or gaining weight rapidly.

The reason for that is because stretch marks normally appear during growth spurts, especially during puberty. what is happening is that your body is growing faster than the elasticity of your skin can handle.

Lifting weights

If you’re lifting weights and is putting on more muscle mass at a rapid pace, you can expect to see stretch marks on your body, even though you’re in good shape.

That’s why it’s not recommended to use stretch marks to identify a weight problem or obesity, since it can happen to people in top physical shape.

The muscles on their skin starts to grow too fast and your skin is trying to catch up by stretching as much as possible to accommodate the growth.

Pregnancy

This is the most common cause of stretch marks in women because the stomach is expanding at such a fast pace during pregnancy.

It’s very likely that women develop stretch marks around the belly area and multiple pregnancies are going to lead to formation of new stretch marks after each pregnancy.

Hormones

If you have occasional hormone imbalance, this might be one of the probable causes of your stretch marks.

This happens because hormone changes occur during puberty, obesity, pregnancy and even weightlifting. That’s why it’s kind of hard to pinpoint the specific culprit to blame for stretch marks.

Hormone imbalances happen during these times which causes elastin fiber and collagen to tear over stretched skin which then creates the appearance of stretch marks.

Stretch marks can make you feel self-conscious and uncomfortable about your appearance.

It’s important for you to know that stretch marks in their late stage can be hard to eliminate.

That’s why you have to treat it as soon as you see it appearing.

Another thing is it’s almost impossible to remove stretch marks completely. Fortunately these methods that you’re about to learn will make them less visible. It’s best to use home remedies as it’s low cost, easy and have no side effects.

Just pick the method that you like and stick with it for a couple of weeks and you will get results.

Check later to see more information.

Israel issues 90 days quit notices to Nigerian and African migrants, says jail term awaits those who remain


Please ensure you read the comment below.

The government of Israeli has issued a notice for thousands of African migrants to leave the country or face imprisonment, the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has reported, adding that the country said the migrants would be given up to $3,500 for leaving within the next 90 days.

The report said the order however exempts children, elderly people, and victims of slavery and human trafficking.

READ ALSO: Prophet Omale releases 2018 prohecies for President Buhari, Atiku, PDP and others

The report said the migrants would have the option of going to their home country or third countries, but that if they refused to leave, the Israeli authorities would have them thrown in jail starting from April 2018.

The Israeli government said the return of the migrants would be humane and voluntary even though the UN refugee agency said the plan violated international and Israeli laws.

It was learnt that a spokesperson for Israel’s Population and Immigration Authority revealed that the country currently has 38,000 migrants believed to have entered illegally and out of this number, 1,420 are being held in detention facilities.

The report said many of the migrants, especially from Eritrea and Sudan, say they are in the country to seek asylum after fleeing persecution and conflict, but Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu believes that if unchecked, the influx of African migrants could threaten Israel’s Jewish character.

NAIJ.com earlier reported how another set of 257 Nigerians returned from Libya and arrived Lagos on Thursday, December 28, just less than 24 hours after a batch of 157 citizens returned to the county on Wednesday, December 27.

The report said that the 257 Nigerians landed at about 6.05 pm at the cargo Wing of Muritala International Airport MMIA, Ikeja, Lagos aboard the Afriqiyah Airbus A330-300 with registration number 5A-OMR.

Mass deportation: Tales of woes from Libya – on NAIJ.com TV

Source: Naija.ng

Post admin’s comment: I won’t blame the innocent citizens of the great country called Nigeria, i blame the Government. Nigerians are only looking for a means to survive. If you are opportune to see a Nigerian at your country, it can only mean that they believe you or your country people can be of a great help to them. The different between over there and over here is that the government there takes good care of their citizens, the power is in the citizen’s hand while over here they  treat citizens like trash and also if you are not opportune to be in politics you have no power. Nigerians are not Fraudsters, Scammers, Cheaters and so many other names been given to them via the internet but rather they are humans like you, trying to look for a means of survival and most of all a true Nigerian always works hard in order to make his/her parents proud even at the expense of their lives. You can also be of help to those that have gone astray by teaching them the truth as you are been led by your spirit. So if you are opportune to meet any, i just don’t want you to have that mindset towards us we so much love the world outside.  (I just wanted to make common sense).

8 Signs To know if he Doesn’t Love You – and How to Move on faster


Are you picking up signals that your boyfriend’s (or husband’s!) feelings have changed? These 8 signs he doesn’t love you will show you how he really feels. You are worthy of being loved…and you need to know if his feelings have changed so you can start learning how to cope with whatever unfolds in your life. You are not alone!

“I don’t think my husband loves me the way he used to,” says Miriam on How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. “He hasn’t said he doesn’t love me, but I can see the signs he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He never seems to want to spend time with me, he’d rather be at work than home with me and the kids, and he doesn’t listen when I talk. I know about the love languages but this is beyond that. This isn’t just my husband and I loving in different ways, it’s clear he doesn’t love me. I know you don’t give relationship advice but can you tell me some objective signs a man doesn’t love a woman? Thank you for your help.”

The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can start coping with whatever your future brings. This is your time to get emotionally and spiritually strong, prepare yourself for an exciting and fulfilling new relationship, and know that you will fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.

You deserve to be in a healthy, happy love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve better? Are you allowing yourself to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you because you think you’re not good or interesting enough? Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect, and we let our boyfriends or husbands treat us badly.

Your first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. It hurts, but the truth will set you free. Your second step is to learn how to cope with change in your life – how to Blossom! Even if you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or husband, something will change if you accept that he isn’t in love with you anymore.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You“Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”

Before you read through these signs he doesn’t love you, remember that there is no one right way to show love in a relationship. Some men show love easily and obviously, while others are more guarded and quiet. Some couples are expressive; others value distance, time, and space in their relationship.

If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level. Emotional and/or physical distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy.

That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.

You may also be scared you’ll have to learn how to live without him…which is hard.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

Your first step is to bravely consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…

Don’t be afraid of admitting that your boyfriend or husband  isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself. Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom. Men come and go, but your relationship with God is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.

What’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life for yourself.

1. When you’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you

You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your boyfriend or husband, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you know if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want and need to be loved.

What brought you here – why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you anymore? If you’re scared or anxious about facing the truth about your relationship, you are not alone. It’s painful and heartbreaking to even consider the idea that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore. I know that pain, and it is shattering.

Take heart. You may know deep down that his love has died, or you may be listening to other voices that aren’t helpful. It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, but he doesn’t know how to show his love. Or, he can’t express love the way you receive love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband simply loves you differently than you want to be loved.

2. When you don’t trust your boyfriend or husband

If your boyfriend or husband betrayed you – by lying or cheating on you – then you may wonder if he actually loves you.

signs he doesnt love you

If you can’t forgive him, your intuition may be picking up on very real signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before you suffer more heartache.

How do you Blossom if you’re in a rocky relationship? By trusting God to heal your spirit and heart. Jesus is the only source of true, deep, trustworthy love and peace. Trusting a man to fill your soul – or to “complete you” is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s also setting your boyfriend or husband up to fail. A man will always disappoint you, because men are human. Like women, they succumb to weaknesses, temptations, selfishness, ego-driven decisions. Jesus is the only path to security, peace, grace, and joy.

If you don’t need to read the rest of my signs he doesn’t love you because you know the truth, read How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone.

3. When he makes you feel like you’re not good enough

How do you feel when you’re around your boyfriend or husband? Do you feel heard, secure, cherished, and valued? How you feel when you’re with him is a huge sign he does or doesn’t love you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.

This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure in my identity in God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.

The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the better all your relationships will be. Your peace, strength, and energy will not only help you Blossom – it affects everyone around you. If you end up with the painful truth that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you will be able to cope because you will be grounded. Whatever you are looking for won’t be found in your boyfriend, or a blog post listing signs he doesn’t love you, or even your own strength. Whatever you are looking for can only be found the the life and love of Jesus.

When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you (how your boyfriend or husband “makes” you feel), remain open to the possibility that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.

4. When your boyfriend or husband isolates you from your friends and family

This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous routine of an abusive man. He says he loves you so much he can’t stand to share you with other people. He says your relationship is enough, that you and he don’t need anyone else.

Separation and isolation are not signs of love. They are signs of unhealthy relationships. If your boyfriend or husband wants to keep you away from people who love you, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you.

Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s not just a sign he’s not in love with you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship. It’s a sign you need to reach out to people you love and talk about your relationship.

5. When he dismisses your feelings, steals from you, degrades your body

Why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you? Tell me below. What is he doing? Maybe your boyfriend borrows money from you without repaying (stealing). Maybe your husband tells you lies about where he’s spending his time, money, energy. Maybe your boyfriend or husband uses your physical body, intellectual property, or material possessions without giving anything in return.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You – and How to Blossom Anyway

Listen to that still small voice. God is always here, talking to you. He is waiting for you, loving you, and hoping you will turn back to Him. Don’t walk away from His love – for it will never change and He will never give up on you. Be honest with yourself about how your boyfriend or husband is treating you – and how he feels about you. Hold on to the fact that you were created for a purpose. God loves you deeply and would never send you signs He doesn’t love you! His outpouring of love is always present, available, strong, steady, eternal. All you have to do is accept it, enjoy it, roll around in His love for you.

Pay attention to the signs your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about your relationship. It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with the most love.

6. When your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about your dreams

If he doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If your boyfriend or husband  doesn’t want you to succeed or move forward in your life, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.

Are you and he supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? A crucial sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible life and relationship goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together – a purpose, a common life mission – then you increase your chances of joy and happiness as a couple.

7. When he lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you

Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You – and How to Blossom

I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I think YOU know. Sometimes we know things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt, face rejection, deal with a breakup. It’s hard. You might be afraid to face the truth (even though you know deep down the truth will set you free).

I know that even though you’re scared, you’re brave. I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you!

If your boyfriend or husband a bold-faced makes promises he never keeps, read When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.

8. When your boyfriend doesn’t listen to or respect you

Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your boyfriend or husband listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe this should be the first sign he loves you: your boyfriend or husband respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.

If you suspect that he doesn’t love you, “Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”

How are you feeling? Maybe you’re heartbroken and sad because you know your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Or, maybe you feel hopeful because you know he does love you! Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below. I won’t tell what you to do about a boyfriend or husband who doesn’t love you (because I don’t give advice), but you may feel happier if you share your story.

How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

signs he doesn't love youIf you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after losing my sister; I needed help letting go so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I learned how to break free from the past and find peace in my life.

Don’t ignore the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, look upwards, and believe that you are worth love. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.

Do you need to make changes in your relationship and your life, or are you content to stay where you are? If you’re content to stay where you are, then you might have to pretend you never saw these signs he doesn’t love you.

May you find love and healing in your relationship. More importantly, may you reach out for the joy and peace only God can bring! Hold on tight to Jesus, for He will walk through this with you. 

Fear


On my eleventh birthday I fell through the ice while playing on a frozen river. The frigid water sucked the breath right out of my body starting from my big toes moving fast up to that place in my throat that burns when I’m really sad. That was the first time I truly recall […]

How to get Meghan Markle’s fashion looks for less


ABC NEWS
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American actress Meghan Markle became a global fashion trendsetter quickly after her relationship with Prince Harry went public.

Now that Markle, 36, is engaged to marry Harry, 33, in May, all eyes are on Markle during official royal appearances on the countdown to her wedding day.

PHOTO: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle visit the Terrence Higgins Trust World AIDS Day Charity Fair, in Nottingham, England, Dec. 1, 2017. (Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock)
PHOTO: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle visit the Terrence Higgins Trust World AIDS Day Charity Fair, in Nottingham, England, Dec. 1, 2017. (Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock)
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How Prince Harry and Meghan Markle kept their relationship under wraps while dating

Meghan Markle has already described her dream wedding dress

While starring on the TV drama “Suits,” Markle relied on her long-time Toronto-based stylist Jessica Mulroney to help establish her signature looks.

Markle, a California native who is now living in the U.K., has described her personal style as “California girl” and “relaxed.”ceesty.com/wuZ4ET

PHOTO: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry attend a Wheelchair Tennis match during the Invictus Games 2017 at Nathan Philips Square, Sept. 25, 2017 in Toronto. (Chris Jackson/Getty Images for the Invictus Games Foundation )
PHOTO: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry attend a Wheelchair Tennis match during the Invictus Games 2017 at Nathan Philips Square, Sept. 25, 2017 in Toronto. (Chris Jackson/Getty Images for the Invictus Games Foundation )
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Lifestyle correspondent and fashion expert Melissa Garcia appeared on “Good Morning America” today to break down some of Markle’s most luxurious looks.

She also gave tips on how a person without a royal-to-be’s budget can score the same looks for less.

Markle on World AIDS Day

PHOTO: Prince Harry and his fiancee, US actress Meghan Markle, visit Nottingham for their first official public engagement together, Dec. 1, 2017 in Nottingham, England. (Jeremy Selwyn/WPA/Getty Images)
PHOTO: Prince Harry and his fiancee, US actress Meghan Markle, visit Nottingham for their first official public engagement together, Dec. 1, 2017 in Nottingham, England. (Jeremy Selwyn/WPA/Getty Images)
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Markle stood out in a long coat and skirt while attending her first post-engagement royal outing with Harry on Dec. 1 in Nottingham.

PHOTO: Prince Harry and his fiancee US actress Meghan Markle visit Nottingham Academy on December 1, 2017 in Nottingham, England. (Andy Stenning/WPA Pool/Getty Images)
PHOTO: Prince Harry and his fiancee US actress Meghan Markle visit Nottingham Academy on December 1, 2017 in Nottingham, England. (Andy Stenning/WPA Pool/Getty Images)
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Markle paired a $250 Wolford turtleneck with a $1,044 Joseph skirt, $308 Kurt Geiger boots and a $665 Strathberry bag, bringing her total look to more than $3,000.

Here is how to score her look for less than $250:

New York & Company coat – $114

Banana Republic skirt – $53

H&M turtleneck – $24.99

Zara boots – $49.99

Markle at her engagement announcement

PHOTO: Prince Harry and actress Meghan Markle during an official photocall to announce their engagement at The Sunken Gardens at Kensington Palace on Nov. 27, 2017 in London. (Chris Jackson/Getty Images)
PHOTO: Prince Harry and actress Meghan Markle during an official photocall to announce their engagement at The Sunken Gardens at Kensington Palace on Nov. 27, 2017 in London. (Chris Jackson/Getty Images)
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Mceesty.com/wuZ4ETarkle posed for photos with Harry at Kensington Palace in a $395 Line the Label coat, $695 Aquazurra shoes, $660 P.a.r.o.s.h. dress and $995 earrings by Les Plaisirs de Birks.

The total cost for Markle’s engagement look came to more than $3,000.

10 Conversation Starters to Help You Talk to Your Girlfriend


Talking to your girlfriend will be easy and interesting with these conversation starters! And guess what? It’s easier than you think to find topics to discuss with your girlfriend at night, during the day, and even in text messages.

Here, you’ll learn why you need to be curious about who she is, what she thinks, and how she feels. If you’re wondering what to talk about with your girlfriend, listen to what she says and ask questions about her life. Be sincere and honest in your goal to get to know her better.

In What to Talk About With Your Boyfriend, I describe how – before we got married – my boyfriend would call me and not say anything. He didn’t know what to talk about, but he wanted to connect with me. It was sort of sweet and sort of frustrating! Sweet because I knew my boyfriend liked me, but frustrating because I had to do all the work and make all the conversation. Don’t put your girlfriend in that position. In this article, you’ll find 10 interesting things to talk about, plus 3 bonus conversation tips from Business Insider.
Show your girlfriend that you’re interested in her by talking about things that interest both her and you. If you’re not curious about who she is and what she thinks, then you can’t build a deep, loving, healthy relationship. Develop and maintain a sincere and genuine curiosity about her life.

Above all, know what it means to love your girlfriend. Love is more than finding interesting things to talk about… 

“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others. Love isn’t always ‘me first,’ – and love doesn’t fly off the handle. Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel. Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always. Love always looks for the best, never looks back, and keeps keeps going to the end.” 1 Corinthians 13: 3-7 (The Message).

These conversation starters will not only give you lots of things to talk about with your girlfriend, they’ll make you a better listener. And that will make you a better boyfriend.

10 Conversation Starters to Help You Talk to Your Girlfriend

Women like to talk. For most females, conversation comes naturally. Indeed, conversation is a requirement that must be met in order for women to feel happy in in their relationship! That’s why finding things to talk about with your girlfriend is crucial – even when you’ve been together (or even married) for years.

So, here’s a list of what to talk about with your girlfriend, whether you’re on the phone or in person.

1. Ask your girlfriend about her day, her life – and listen to what she says

Of all the things to talk about with your girlfriend, the last topic should be you. Don’t talk endlessly about your video games, sports, work, school, or hobbies.

The key to being an excellent conversationalist is to LISTEN. Allow a few seconds of silence to pass after your girlfriend stops talking, or say “mmhmm” to show you’re listening. People respond well to moments of silence – it gives them a chance to collect their thoughts and continue talking.

You’ll find more things to talk about with your girlfriend if you:

  1. Are actually present when she is talking. Don’t daydream, don’t drift off off from conversations, and don’t interrupt with questions that aren’t related to what she’s talking about.
  2. Become a “whole body” listener. This means listening with your eyes (watch her nonverbal cues), your heart (pick up on those signals your heart is sending you when she talks), and your ears (the most traditional way to listen to your girlfriend).
  3. Show your girlfriend that you’re listening. This means nodding, saying “mmhmm”, and offering feedback such as “So, what I hear you saying is…”

Let your girlfriend know that you hear her. How? By focusing on the next nine things to talk about…

2. Ask what the best part of her day was (an easy conversation starter)

Sometimes I ask my husband what the best thing was about today; I love hearing what made him happy or gave him a good laugh! Ask your girlfriend what made her happy, or what brightened her day at work or school. Maybe you could even send her flowers or give her a gift – maybe YOU could be the best part of her day.

What to Say to Your GirlfriendIf your girlfriend says the best part of her day was lunch with her coworkers, ask questions about it. Here are some questions to get her to keep talking:

  • What did you guys do after lunch?
  • How’d that make you feel?
  • Wow! Has that happened before?
  • Along that same line, will you…?
  • What do you mean by that?
  • Can you give me an example?

One of the best ways to start a conversation – or change the subject – is to say, “I’ve always wanted to ask you…” This shows your girlfriend that you’re thinking about her when you’re not together.

3. Ask about the worst thing that happened to her today

This can be the most interesting of all things to talk about with your girlfriend, because it’ll give you a chance to learn more about what fires her up. She’ll talk about what annoys, frustrates, hurts, and even grieves her. This helps you get to know her more intimately, and gives you the chance to comfort and commiserate with her.

I know it sounds simple to focus on listening to your girlfriend and asking her questions, but trust me. We all love to talk about ourselves, and we believe we are the most interesting things to talk about. Your girlfriend loves to talk about herself, and if you’re truly interested in her then you’ll enjoy hearing what she has to say. You won’t just be filling the silence with these things to talk about – you’ll actually be learning more about her and improving your relationship.

If you haven’t been with your girlfriend for long, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.

4. Follow up with your girlfriend – what happened with “that thing”?

Did your girlfriend tell you about something that happened last week, month, or even year? Follow up on it – find out what happened. For example, if your girlfriend told you about a problem at work or school, ask her how it turned out.

You might say, “When you were talking about _____, I remembered what you told me about _____. Whatever happened with that?”

This is one of the most thoughtful things to talk about with your girlfriend. Why? Because it shows you actually remember what’s happening in her life. She will be so pleased and happy to tell you about how a situation was resolved – or if it’s still ongoing.

5. Ask what she wanted to be when she was seven years old

One of my favorite conversation starters is asking people about their childhood. Most of us love to talk about when we were kids – especially the happy memories of summer days or vacations or playing with friends.

If you’re looking for things to talk about with your girlfriend, don’t just ask, “What was your childhood like?” Instead, ask specific questions about her life as a kid. What did she want to be when she grew up? What was her favorite sport, game, or toy? Who was her best friend? What is her favorite memory

Fix Your Marriage 
 

6. Talk to your girlfriend about your relationship (not an easy thing to talk about)

How often do you initiate serious conversations about your future as a couple, money, sex, family, home ownership, or work? Your girlfriend may be more comfortable talking about these things than you…but she might really appreciate you bringing up these topics!

If you and your girlfriend haven’t talked about your future yet, you might ask where she sees herself in one year, five years, ten years. Start thinking about what you want out of this relationship, where you see yourself going.

Do you think marriage is the next step for you and your girlfriend? Read Premarital Questions – What You Need to Ask Before the Wedding. That will give you plenty of things to talk about with your girlfriend, believe me!

7. Talk to your girlfriend about lunch (easy conversation starter!)

One of my favorite things to talk about with anyone is food! Is your girlfriend a foodie – does she enjoy eating, cooking, baking, or even decorating platters of food?

girlfriend conversation startersI don’t really like to cook, but I love talking about what I had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Never underestimate the power of talking to your girlfriend about mundane things, such as where she ate lunch and who she was with. It’s not what you talk about how you talk about it.

Also – don’t be a “conversation hog” and dominate everything you talk about. But, don’t expect your girlfriend to make all the conversation! Treat the conversation as a tennis match and be sure to return the ball with four and genuine interest.

8. Ask your girlfriend what her 3 favorite things to talk about are

First, think about your three most favorite topics of conversation. Mine are God (especially Jesus and the Holy Spirit), finding your calling, blogging, business, my dogs, personal and spiritual growth, psychology, and food. I love talking about all sorts of things, which makes conversation with people of the same mind easy.

Then, ask your girlfriend what she loves to talk about. If she can’t think of anything right away, give her my list – or tell her your favorite things to talk about. Spend some time talking to your girlfriend about your and her favorite topics of conversation. This is important, and can tell you something very interesting about your relationship.

Do you and your girlfriend have trouble finding things to talk about? This exercise might be very revealing. If you and your girlfriend have totally different ideas about interesting things to talk about, then you know why conversation is a drag. You have little in common.

9. Talk to your girlfriend about God (not such an easy thing to talk about)

Now we’re getting into one of the most important things to talk about with your girlfriend: God. How spiritual are you? If you believe in Jesus, talk to her about your spiritual life. If you feel like you’ve been burned by God or church, talk about that. Are you an atheist or agnostic? That’s an interesting thing to talk to your girlfriend about!

And remember my first tip on this list of things to talk about with your girlfriend: LISTEN! Don’t just talk to her about your beliefs, values, and experiences with faith and religion. Ask her about her spiritual history. You might even share your spiritual autobiographies.

Don’t shy away from difficult conversations or spirited arguments that are healthy and open. Remember, “There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” Michel de Montaigne.

10. When you talk to your girlfriend, don’t do anything else

I tend to multitask, and I know I don’t communicate well when I’m talking and driving and planning and thinking ahead. The LAST thing I do when I’m talking to anyone is scrolling through my iPhone or clicking around the internet on my laptop.

This isn’t exactly something to talk about, but it’ll make your conversations with your girlfriend so much more meaningful.

Need help making conversation?

things to talk about with your girlfriend

TableTopics – Questions to Start Great Conversations is the #1 best-selling conversation starter – and it will make make conversations with your girlfriend fun and lively. It contains 135 thought-provoking questions inspire the best kinds of conversation between couples, at dinner parties, family gatherings, or any time you want to break the ice. TableTopics is a fun way for family and friends to reconnect and discover more about themselves and each other.

Sample questions: What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Is it more important to be book smart or street smart? What do you love about your hometown? If you could have front row seats to any concert who would you like to see? Those questions will give you lots to talk about with your girlfriend.

For more conversation starters and ideas, read 10 Things to Talk About on Your First Date (even if it’s not your first date).

I welcome your thoughts on these things to talk about with your girlfriend. I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling, but it often helps to write about what you’re experiencing.

3 Bonus Conversation Tips

I recently found a short but helpful video called “What You Should Talk About On a First Date, According to Research” on Business Insider. Since the video is only one minute long, I transcribed it. Here are the three main topics of conversation:

  1. Share secrets. According to psychologist Arthur Erin of State University of New York, personal and emotional exchanges during dates promote feelings of connection.
  2. Talk about traveling – favorite holidays or dream destinations.Psychologist Richard Wiseman conducted a study and found that talking about traveling is more interesting and bond-forming than talking about movies. Plus, you’re more likely to get into an argument if you talk about movies. Only 9%percent of couples who talked about movies went on a second date, as opposed to 18% of couples who talked about travel.
  3. Choose controversial topics to talk about with your girlfriend, not dull topics. Politics, your most embarrassing moment, something you did that you’re not particularly proud of (although if you want to build a relationship with your girlfriend you might not want to spend too much time dwelling on things you’re ashamed of!).

According to Duke University professor Dan Ariely, talking about controversial topics make people happier with the interaction. And, if you talk about hot button issues, you’ll definitely get to know your girlfriend better!

Remember that your conversations with your girlfriend will go smoothly if you are sincerely interested in her. Get to know who she is. Connect with her on a heart and soul level, and you’ll never have to search for ideas on what to talk about with your girlfriend again.

May you find interesting things to talk about with your girlfriend. May you learn how to love her deeply – for who she is – and may you and she develop a mutual interest not only in a healthy relationship with each other, but with God.

Your thoughts are welcome below! I don’t give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel