8 Signs To know if he Doesn’t Love You – and How to Move on faster
Are you picking up signals that your boyfriend’s (or husband’s!) feelings have changed? These 8 signs he doesn’t love you will show you how he really feels. You are worthy of being loved…and you need to know if his feelings have changed so you can start learning how to cope with whatever unfolds in your life. You are not alone!
“I don’t think my husband loves me the way he used to,” says Miriam on How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. “He hasn’t said he doesn’t love me, but I can see the signs he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He never seems to want to spend time with me, he’d rather be at work than home with me and the kids, and he doesn’t listen when I talk. I know about the love languages but this is beyond that. This isn’t just my husband and I loving in different ways, it’s clear he doesn’t love me. I know you don’t give relationship advice but can you tell me some objective signs a man doesn’t love a woman? Thank you for your help.”
The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can start coping with whatever your future brings. This is your time to get emotionally and spiritually strong, prepare yourself for an exciting and fulfilling new relationship, and know that you will fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.
You deserve to be in a healthy, happy love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve better? Are you allowing yourself to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you because you think you’re not good or interesting enough? Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect, and we let our boyfriends or husbands treat us badly.
Your first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. It hurts, but the truth will set you free. Your second step is to learn how to cope with change in your life – how to Blossom! Even if you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or husband, something will change if you accept that he isn’t in love with you anymore.
“Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”
Before you read through these signs he doesn’t love you, remember that there is no one right way to show love in a relationship. Some men show love easily and obviously, while others are more guarded and quiet. Some couples are expressive; others value distance, time, and space in their relationship.
If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level. Emotional and/or physical distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy.
That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.
You may also be scared you’ll have to learn how to live without him…which is hard.
8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You
Your first step is to bravely consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…
Don’t be afraid of admitting that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself. Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom. Men come and go, but your relationship with God is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
What’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life for yourself.
1. When you’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you
You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your boyfriend or husband, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you know if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want and need to be loved.
What brought you here – why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you anymore? If you’re scared or anxious about facing the truth about your relationship, you are not alone. It’s painful and heartbreaking to even consider the idea that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore. I know that pain, and it is shattering.
Take heart. You may know deep down that his love has died, or you may be listening to other voices that aren’t helpful. It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, but he doesn’t know how to show his love. Or, he can’t express love the way you receive love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband simply loves you differently than you want to be loved.
2. When you don’t trust your boyfriend or husband
If your boyfriend or husband betrayed you – by lying or cheating on you – then you may wonder if he actually loves you.
If you can’t forgive him, your intuition may be picking up on very real signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before you suffer more heartache.
How do you Blossom if you’re in a rocky relationship? By trusting God to heal your spirit and heart. Jesus is the only source of true, deep, trustworthy love and peace. Trusting a man to fill your soul – or to “complete you” is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s also setting your boyfriend or husband up to fail. A man will always disappoint you, because men are human. Like women, they succumb to weaknesses, temptations, selfishness, ego-driven decisions. Jesus is the only path to security, peace, grace, and joy.
If you don’t need to read the rest of my signs he doesn’t love you because you know the truth, read How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone.
3. When he makes you feel like you’re not good enough
How do you feel when you’re around your boyfriend or husband? Do you feel heard, secure, cherished, and valued? How you feel when you’re with him is a huge sign he does or doesn’t love you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.
This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure in my identity in God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.
The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the better all your relationships will be. Your peace, strength, and energy will not only help you Blossom – it affects everyone around you. If you end up with the painful truth that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you will be able to cope because you will be grounded. Whatever you are looking for won’t be found in your boyfriend, or a blog post listing signs he doesn’t love you, or even your own strength. Whatever you are looking for can only be found the the life and love of Jesus.
When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you (how your boyfriend or husband “makes” you feel), remain open to the possibility that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.
4. When your boyfriend or husband isolates you from your friends and family
This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous routine of an abusive man. He says he loves you so much he can’t stand to share you with other people. He says your relationship is enough, that you and he don’t need anyone else.
Separation and isolation are not signs of love. They are signs of unhealthy relationships. If your boyfriend or husband wants to keep you away from people who love you, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you.
Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s not just a sign he’s not in love with you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship. It’s a sign you need to reach out to people you love and talk about your relationship.
5. When he dismisses your feelings, steals from you, degrades your body
Why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you? Tell me below. What is he doing? Maybe your boyfriend borrows money from you without repaying (stealing). Maybe your husband tells you lies about where he’s spending his time, money, energy. Maybe your boyfriend or husband uses your physical body, intellectual property, or material possessions without giving anything in return.
Listen to that still small voice. God is always here, talking to you. He is waiting for you, loving you, and hoping you will turn back to Him. Don’t walk away from His love – for it will never change and He will never give up on you. Be honest with yourself about how your boyfriend or husband is treating you – and how he feels about you. Hold on to the fact that you were created for a purpose. God loves you deeply and would never send you signs He doesn’t love you! His outpouring of love is always present, available, strong, steady, eternal. All you have to do is accept it, enjoy it, roll around in His love for you.
Pay attention to the signs your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about your relationship. It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with the most love.
6. When your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about your dreams
If he doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to succeed or move forward in your life, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.
Are you and he supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? A crucial sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible life and relationship goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together – a purpose, a common life mission – then you increase your chances of joy and happiness as a couple.
7. When he lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you
Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.
I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I think YOU know. Sometimes we know things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt, face rejection, deal with a breakup. It’s hard. You might be afraid to face the truth (even though you know deep down the truth will set you free).
I know that even though you’re scared, you’re brave. I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you!
If your boyfriend or husband a bold-faced makes promises he never keeps, read When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.
8. When your boyfriend doesn’t listen to or respect you
Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your boyfriend or husband listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe this should be the first sign he loves you: your boyfriend or husband respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.
If you suspect that he doesn’t love you, “Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”
How are you feeling? Maybe you’re heartbroken and sad because you know your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Or, maybe you feel hopeful because you know he does love you! Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below. I won’t tell what you to do about a boyfriend or husband who doesn’t love you (because I don’t give advice), but you may feel happier if you share your story.
How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You
If you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after losing my sister; I needed help letting go so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I learned how to break free from the past and find peace in my life.
Don’t ignore the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, look upwards, and believe that you are worth love. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.
Do you need to make changes in your relationship and your life, or are you content to stay where you are? If you’re content to stay where you are, then you might have to pretend you never saw these signs he doesn’t love you.
May you find love and healing in your relationship. More importantly, may you reach out for the joy and peace only God can bring! Hold on tight to Jesus, for He will walk through this with you.